Number 10:  Al Gore

It seems like we see more of Al Gore now than when he was Vice President.  One minute he’s all over NBC’s “Green Week”, and the next he’s traipsing around Copenhagen thinking he’s going to end global warming.  You may not realize this, but he’s actually part of a famewhoring team.  You may remember his wife, Tipper, caused quite a stir in music industry in the late 80’s when her group the Parental Music Resource Center (PMRC) pressured record companies to place those irritating “Parental Advisory” stickers on offensive albums.  So if you think about it, at least Al’s crusade doesn’t encourage your Mom to throw out all of your Wu-Tang CD’s.

One more inconvienient truth: He's not going away.

Number 9:   The “Birthers”

The group with a name that sounds like a trendy Lamaze school sure does love the limelight.  Their sacred quest to find a certified copy of President Obama’s birth certificate goes on – and has gotten this assembly of rabid fanatics a whole lot of attention.  But here’s hoping they change course,  get a little bit “TMZ” on the matter, and start searching for something far more interesting, like compromising photos of Obama and one of Tiger Woods’ mistresses.  It’s probably not out there, but it’s more entertaining than some boring birth certificate.

Number 8 & 7:  Rush Limbaugh & Al Sharpton (tie)

We’re going to tie these two together only because they joined famewhoring forces in October of ’09.  It all started when Rush wanted to buy the St. Louis Rams, so Al quickly penned a letter to the NFL commissioner, vehemently opposing any possibility of Limbaugh owning the team.  The next move was Rush’s, who spoke some allegedly slanderous words about Sharpton.  After that, Al threatened to sue Rush for defamation.  How did it end up?  Who even cares?  All we know is that the two of them enjoyed yet more unnecessary time in the spotlight.

Just when you thought things couldn't get worse for the Rams...

Number 6:  Joe Lieberman

He’s a Democrat who thought about changing his affiliation to Republican, but decided on becoming an Independent Democrat – whatever that is.  Joe’s pioneered many great techniques to keep the focus on himself – from threatening to thwart change with filibusters, to creating the longest sound bites ever by speaking in a low, droning monotone.  Maybe you used to think Connecticut was all about snobbish, wealthy preps, but Joe has taught us that the state’s gold coast can get a little feisty if need be.

Now that we know that: Joe, please go away.

Number 5: Dick Cheney

Who was hoping that Dick Cheney would disappear after Bush left office?  And by “disappear”, we admit we meant something a little sinister.  But alas, the Penguin-esque former Vice President has made a hobby out of publicly bashing the new President.  Part of the prototype in the typical famewhore model is being able to boldly show one’s face, in spite of one’s involvement in an embarrassing scandal or ordeal – and Cheney’s got dozens of those.  Most people wouldn’t even bother to show up at the family Christmas party after shooting their friend in the face.  Hats off to you, Mr. Cheney – you’ve got balls of steel.  But that still doesn’t mean we need to keep seeing you on Fox News every other day.

Because America always could use a bit more Dick, and we know of one Dick who wants to give more Dick, and that's Dick

Number 4:  Silvio Berlusconi

Thought the reality show “Jersey Shore” gave Italians a bad reputation?  Berlusconi makes more  material in a week than the Shore can produce in three seasons.  From allegedly having sex with a minor, to calling President Obama “young, handsome and tanned”, to dry humping a meter maid… he’s always getting in some kind of scandalous scrape.  This Gaffemaster certainly knows how to keep himself in the public eye.  But we’re kind of hoping he’ll stick around for a while – he’s sort of like an Italian version of Don Rickles.

Winner of Tropicana's "Best Tanned Douchebag" Award for 2009

Number 3: Mark Sanford

Mark Sanford takes the famewhore code to a whole new level.  Not only does he never fear his adversaries, but he also won’t let his own scandals die.  This is the only guy in the universe who will voluntarily bring up his indiscretions, even when the public has stopped talking about them.  After refusing to resign because of a sex scandal involving misused state funds, the temporary desertion of a government post, and an icky claim that he’d found his “soul mate” with someone who was not his wife, Mark has made South Carolina work for his reprimand – because resignation would have given him much less face time with his adoring fans and constituents.

Number 2: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

This guy gets around more than most celebrities shilling their new book or album.  He’s been on 60 Minutes, the NBC Nightly News, Charlie Rose, ABC’s This Week and many more.  Mahmoud should really make the most of these appearances and bring a copy of his latest ebook, “The Great Deception – Andy Samberg was Never Really on a Boat”. What’s next, a DNA test on The Maury Povitch Show?  “Mahmoud, you are producing nuclear weapons.”  Imagine the ratings boost The View will gain when Mahmoud shows up and Whoopi Goldberg tears him a new one.

And another thing...we condemn the infidels who created the new "Melrose Place"

Number 1: Sarah Palin

When it comes to blowhards, Sarah Palin blows.  Hard. It’s too bad her Tina Fey looks don’t seem to accompany some Tina Fey smarts – not to mention she’d really suck on 30 Rock.  Sarah “Barracuda” is the Queen of  famewhoring – which is a feat, considering the woman has never even read a magazine.  Here’s hoping Sarah’s future involves a public stockade and maybe a dunk tank…anything that doesn’t group the words “Palin” and the number “2012” together.

Please pay attention to me...

Famewhores keep things interesting.  It’s like the guy that’s at every party yelling, “Woo-hoo!” and doing way too many keg stands.  He might irritate the crap out of you, but it would get pretty boring if he wasn’t around.  In fact, how much fun would the party be if someone could get all of the people in this list to show up?

Rush Limbaugh: Political Commentator or Resilient Form Of Bedbug?

Rush Limbaugh. The name itself is spoken by many as if referring to some form of nasty venereal disease or a type of insect infestation that necessitates the burning mattresses and linens… it is a name associated with what many deem to be the worst of the worst of sensational right wing reporting. Our friends over at Bartcop have even stopped using the name entirely, preferring to refer to the conservative commentator as “Pigboy”. He currently is looking at a potential landslide victory in our political poll asking readers which American political pundit they would eat first if their plane crashed in the mountains of Argentina.

Love him or hate him, Rush Limbaugh is a cultural icon and a fixture in US politics, with more than 20 million listeners a week, clearly someone out there either agrees with Limbaugh, is entertained by his antics or does not know how to switch stations on their radio. But what do we really know about the man who Ronald Reagan once called “The number 1 voice of conservatism” in the United States? Here are: Five things that you didn’t know about Rush Limbaugh.

Number 1: if you don’t like what Limbaugh has to say, you could always just buy a tie from him.

Limbaugh actually launched a line of ties after viewers of his television program expressed some interest in the distinctive ties he wore. The ties were designed by his then-wife Marta, and Limbaugh grossed 5 million in sales in year 1. The ties  were eventually discontinued. Don’t all rush to Ebay at once.

Number 2: Limbaugh once worked for the Kansas City Royals

Way back in 1979, Limbaugh took a brief break from radio to become Director of
Promotions with the Royals. To this day he  counts retired Royals  star George Brett as one of his best friends.

Number 3: Limbaugh covered football on ESPN (If you sneezed you may have missed it)

Limbaugh brought his gift of the gab to the NFL, but left only three weeks into the 2003 season after making comments about quarterback Donovan Mcnabb that some construed as racist. We will never know the  impact that  ESPN’s “Hail Mary” choice of Limbaugh as a commentator would have had.

Number 4: Limbaugh once staged mock on- air “caller abortions”

Yes, it is hard to believe, but if you were to have called Limbaugh on his Sacramento radio show for a certain two week period in 1989, there would have been a good chance that your call would be terminated by the sound of a vacuum cleaner and a scream.

Limbaugh had claimed that his on-air “caller abortions” were merely a gag that illustrated “the tragedy of abortion” as well as an effort to bring into question whether abortion constitutes murder.  Apoliticus editors think it better illustrates the need for a move to a two week radio delay from the traditional seven seconds.

Number 5: Limbaugh can attribute much of his success to a repealed FCC doctrine

“The Fairness Doctrine” had required that radio stations provide free air time for responses to controversial opinions broadcast, but was repealed by FCC Chairman Mark Fowler (a key member of Ronald Reagan’s campaign staff in 1980) in 1987.

The result was the political commentator’s equivalent of Anakin Skywalker becoming Darth Vader, as Limbaugh could ply his trade with unprecedented freedom whilst building his conservative talk show Death Star to what it is today.

A bonus interview with Barbara Walters:

Hmm...do I go for the meatiest or the most talkative first?

In our last poll, 80% of you said that what you missed the most about George W. was his incident-prone press conferences. You simply never knew when there might be an Inshoegency.

Now the Apoliticus editors have another serious question for you: If you were in a plane crash in the mountains of Argentina with every major political pundit, which one would you choose to be eat first?

Leave some comments if you want to tell us why, and let us know if we’ve missed anyone on the list.