Rahm, Rahm, he’s the bomb. So what if he acts like a Jewish mobster? There’s still a lot to love about Rahm Emanuel… so let’s hug it out bitches…

Number 10: Mail a man a fish, and he’ll fear for a lifetime

You treat Rahm right, he treats you right. But if you cross him, expect a counterattack. One pollster so angered Mr. Emanuel, that he mailed him a dead fish. Sure, that’s better than waking up to a horse’s head staring you in the face, but twice as stinky.

Number 9: Rahm does stuff, and then somebody makes a t-shirt about it…

Rahmfacts.com offers a delightful selection of Rahm-related attire, where you can purchase a tee that reads, “‘Maul Her! Amen!’ is an anagram for Rahm Emanuel” or “Rahm Emanuel assumes you know it’s him calling.” When was the last time that something you said or did ended up on a t-shirt? Next up, Rahm Emanuel will challenge reigning champion Chuck Norris on the internet in the realm of user-generated statements of exaggerated toughness. Which is tough, because when the boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

Number 8: He knows how to handle delicate Jewish/Gentile relations

You may remember an incident between Monica Lewinsky and former president Bill Clinton… yeah, that incident. Back then, Rahm was an advisor to Bill. Using his direct, no-nonsense style of guidance, he shared a few words of advice for the President. According to Politico, Rahm said, “You got it backwards. You messed around with a Jewish girl, and now you’re paying a goyish lawyer. You should have messed around with a goyish girl, and gotten a Jewish lawyer”.

Number 7: He’s a looker

Politics isn’t necessarily the first place you’d go for a good-looking face. For example, one of Gerald Ford’s Chiefs of Staff was Dick Cheney, and he always looks like he has just eaten a bad ham sandwich.  But Rahm has big brown eyes and the feisty, bad-boy appeal that makes so many women swoon. He even made People Magazine’s 100 Most Beautiful People list for 2009, so you know it’s gotta be true. People knows.

Number 6: If you don’t love him, he’ll slap you in the face with all 4 ½ fingers

Teenaged Rahm + an Arby’s meat-slicer = the worst kind of knuckle sandwich. Rahm sliced off part of his middle finger working at an Arby’s when he was a kid. Our Rahm’s so hardcore that he didn’t even go to the hospital to get his finger treated, instead he went swimming with his buddies. The digit ended up getting infected and partially amputated. According to President Obama, the ordeal “rendered him practically mute” because of his penchant for certain lewd gestures.

That middle finger is well missed...

Number 5: He makes ballet cool, even for tough guys like him

Rahm was at a crossroads after high school. The decision was whether to attend the Joffrey Ballet on a full scholarship, or Sarah Lawrence. Rahm ultimately ditched his leotard to get a liberal arts degree at Sarah Lawrence. Who knows how his life could have gone differently had he stuck with a dance career? Would he have landed leading roles in Flashdance, Footloose, or Dirty Dancing? Hard to imagine, but you never know.

Number 4: His foul mouth is contagious

Rahm has cable news anchors so riled up, that they have a hard time watching their own mouths. His influence has some journalists blindly abandoning all tedious allusions like “f-word”, “f-bomb” or even “eff”. Joe Scarborough is one of the anchors who gladly performed his best impression of our obscenity-lovin’ Mensch. One morning Scarborough Country was befouled when Joe dropped the aforementioned f-jobber live on air without any censorship, bleep or warning while chastising Rahmmy for the same. The reaction of co-host Mike Barnicle is priceless.

Number 3: He revels in the deaths of his enemies

In the mid 90’s, Rahm was having dinner with some friends and Clinton White House aides. Rahm organized and led a sonorous chorus of merriment concerning the former foes of the 1992 Clinton campaign. “Nat Landow, dead!” he shouted, slamming the steak knife he clutched, into the table. “Cliff Jackson, dead!” he continued. “Bill Schaefer, dead!” he persisted, as his comrades joined in the celebration.

It’s hardly a eulogy, but an appropriate send-off from Rahmbo nonetheless.

Number 2:  He will hang up on you if you donate a measly $5,000 to his cause

Rahm is known to abruptly end phone calls with donors who offer paltry amounts for political donations. If you’re a “$25,000 kind of guy”, you better give up the cash – all of it – because anything less will embarrass him.

Number 1: He speaks to Congress in love letters

In homage to the Elizabeth Barrett Browning poem “How Do I Love Thee”, Rahm read a letter of similar cadence on the floor of the House. The poem blasted the GOP for their greed-fueled relationships with special interest groups. The line, “I love thee for thy donations, libations, and vacations,” sums up the tone of the ode. Republicans responded with a limerick, but compared to Rahm’s it fell short in felicity and ingenuity. They would have done better with the classic Nantucket theme.

How do we love thee, Rahm Emanuel? Let us count the ways. One, two, five, eight…Ten. There are ten ways.