You see them everywhere. You spend equal amounts of time scouring the headlines looking for them as you do loathing their appearance in the news. You find yourself thinking more about them than close relatives. We are collectively going off the rails, and it is because of our dysfunctional relationships with certain ex-celebrities, never-were-celebrities and ex-politicians who’s fifteen minutes of fame have lasted an eternity.

People who won’t go away come in two flavors: The people who won’t let go, choosing to remain in the spotlight through any means at their disposal, and the people we won’t let go, because we have entered into a dependent pathological-culture-wide addiction to their various hodge-podge of idiosyncracies.

We need to break the habit, and we can’t consult Dr Phil cause he’s one of ‘em,  To help you to know the enemy, here are the top 10 people that just won’t go away.

Number 10: Dick Cheney

America is safer with me on the talk show circuit...

All of the sudden, the quiet architect of W’s presidency is all about defending the administration’s legacy…and he is chatty as hell… Going anywhere he can find a microphone, talking about how the world is unsafe in Pax Obama. The truth is we aren’t sure, but we kinda just need this guy to just go away for a while. W took the hint, he is off  towel-snapping and guying around with his secret service detail in seclusion on the ranch in Crawford.

Number 9: People Who Were Once On Survivor

Visions of my naked ass will haunt you for the rest of your days...

We just can’t get enough of reality TV, where normal people with limited talent are thrust into humiliating social experiments for our viewing pleasure…it is the modern equivalent of gladiatorial combat and someone’s dignity is guaranteed to be slain weekly.

From the painful mental image of Richard Hatch’s naked ass in the original season to the ongoing stories of his tax problems…the only way to rid ourselves of these celeb survivors is reunite them for Survivor: Hungry Shark Tank.

Number 8: Rick Astley

Just when you think Rick Astley is gone, a seemingly innocent piece of email comes across your desk with a Youtube link. Suddenly, you are watching the music video for “Never Gonna Give You Up”. You have been Rick-rolled.

When your name becomes a verb, you know that you are firmly embedded in the popular culture. Are we ever going to give Rick up?

Number 7: Bill Clinton

I will hang around forever, and each time you hear me speak I will sound more and more like a grumpy old man...

Just when you think that you have escaped talk of  “Whitewatergate” and his “distinguishing characteristic“, out pops Bill Clinton on the national political scene, a little older, a little grumpier but ready to stump for anyone who will give him a podium. His efforts with the Obama campaign probably helped him land his new role as UN Envoy to Haiti. Long story short: he isn’t going away soon.

Number 6: David Hasselhoff

Ex-Knight Rider, Baywatch star and international pop sensation David Hasselhoff remains in our collective subconscious simply because we have never been able to fully digest his brand of cheesy. He has acquired a sort of cult following on the internet because of this culture wide case of celebrity indigestion.

Prediction: Hasselhoff becomes a bona fide star again by taking a page out of William Shatner’s self-deprecating humor playbook. In short, “The Hoff” isn’t going away soon.

Number 5: Paris Hilton

Meets all the criteria of being a talentless celebrity

Non-celebrity celebrity checklist:

Iconic or powerful parents: check
Rehearsed red carpet pose: check
Sex tape: check
No distinguishable talent: check

Number 4: Gene Simmons

Blood-spitting, tongue wagging, demon of a self-promoter...

A key member of the biggest sellout band of all time, it is no wonder that Gene has continued to promote his icky self in any way possible. At least we have been spared the sex tape you say? Not so fast

Number 3: Sarah Palin and her family

Get used to these faces...

A role model for geographically challenged Presidential hopefuls, Sarah Palin burst on to the national political scene tall on spunk and family values, short on in-depth understanding of the issues.

Add a Beverly Hillbilly-esque shopping spree on the GOP dime and a daughter that done got knocked up out of wedlock (so much for family values) and you have the recipe for our perverse fascination.

Number 2: Octomom

Octomom: has her tentacles wrapped around all of us...

We love to beat on seemingly bad moms, and though Octomom may not be an intentionally “bad” mother, there are definitely signs that she does not exercise the best judgement. One sign might be that she added to her existing brood of 6 with another litter of 8 with no means to support them. Also, her mother says that she is a few cards short of a deck. The logical next step for her? Reality TV. She has purportedly been in discussions to launch a reality show in the UK.

Number 1: Joe The Plumber

Joe: kindly remit every minute of fame you have had beyond 15...

Joe the plumber emerged from obscurity as more of a concept than an actual person. Once we actually got to know Joe (aka Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher), his appeal as the symbolic everyman began to fade. His efforts to remain in the limelight by becoming a short lived war correspondent in Israel for Pajamas Media were ever more tiresome. Now, he has us hooked because we don’t know what he’ll do next. If only he would have just kept unclogging drains, the world would have been spared an unhealthy addiction to Joe’s comings and goings.

What do you think? Please verbally abuse us in the comments and/or pick your number 1 in the poll below.

Note: There is a poll embedded within this post, please visit the site to participate in this post's poll.

A few Montreal Comedians have a lengthy chat with Sarah Palin in this radio prank.

TRANSCRIPT

French phrases and translations from DailyKOs.com user montsegur1234

Betsy: This is Betsy.

Masked Avenger: Hello Betsy.

Betsy: Hi.

Masked Avenger: Hi, this is uh, Frank l’ouvrier [Frank the Worker], uh, I’m with, uh, President Sarkozy, on the line for, uh Governor Palin.

Betsy: Yes, one second please. Can you hold on one second please?

Masked Avenger: Yeah, no problem.

Betsy: All right, thanks. Hi, I’m going to hand the phone over to her.

Masked Avenger: Okay, thank you very much. I’m going to put the president on the line.

Betsy to Palin: Okay, he’s coming to the line.

Palin: This is Sarah.

Masked Avenger: Uh, yeah. Governor Palin?

Palin: Hellooo!

Masked Avenger: Just, just hold on for President Sarkozy for one moment.

Palin to Betsy: Oh, it’s not him yet Betsy. I always do that.

Masked Avenger: Yes, yes, hello, Governor Palin?

Palin to Betsy: I’ll just have people hand it to me right when it’s them.

Sarkozy: Yes, hello, Mrs. Governor?

Palin: Hello, this is Sarah. How are you?

Masked Avenger: Fine, and you? This is, uh, Nicolas Sarkozy speaking. How are you?

Palin: Oh, so good. It’s so good to hear you. Thank you for calling us.

Masked Avenger: Oh, it’s a pleasure.

Palin: Thank you sir. We have such great respect for you, John McCain and I. We love you. And thank you for spending a few minutes to talk to… me.

Masked Avenger: I followed your campaigns closely with my special American advisor Johnny Hallyday (famous French singer), you know?

Palin: Yes, good.

Masked Avenger: Excellent. Are, are you confident?

Palin: Very confident and we’re thankful the polls are showing that the race is tightening, and…

Masked Avenger: Well, I know very well that the campaign can be exhausting. How do you feel right now my dear?

Palin: I feel so good. I feel like we are in, uh, a marathon, and at the very end of the marathon you get your second wind, and you plow through the finish line…

Masked Avenger: Say, I got elected in France because I’m real, and you seem to be someone who’s real as well.

Palin: Yes, yeah. Nicolas, we so appreciate this opportunity…

Masked Avenger: You know, I see you as a president. One day, you too.

Palin: [Giggles] Maybe in eight years.

Masked Avenger: Well, I uh, hope for you. You know, we have a lot in common, because personally one of my favorite activities is to hunt, too.

Palin: Oh! Very good. We should go hunting together.

Masked Avenger: Exactly. We could go try hunting by helicopter like uh, you did. I never did that. [Palin giggles]. Like we say in France “on pourrait tuer des bébés phoques aussi” [Translation: We could also kill some baby seals.]

Palin: Well, I think we could have a lot of fun together as we’re gettin’ work done. We can, we can kill two birds with one stone that way.

Masked Avenger: I just love killing those animals. Mm, mm. Take away a life – that is so fun! [Palin laughs] I’d really love to go, as long as we don’t bring Vice President Cheney [Masked Avenger laughs].

Palin: No, I’ll be a careful shot. Yes.

Masked Avenger: Yes. You know, we have a lot in common also because, except that from my house I can see Belgium. That’s kind of less interesting than you.

Palin: Well, see, we’re right next door to other countries that we all need to be working with, yes.

Masked Avenger: Some people said in the last days, and I uh, thought that was mean, that you weren’t experienced enough in foreign relations. And you know, that’s completely false. That’s the, uh, thing I said to my great friend, the Prime Minister of Canada, Stef Carse. [Stephen Harper is the PM and Stef Carse is famous Canadian singer].

Palin: Well, he’s doin’ fine too. And yeah, when you come into a position underestimated it gives you an opportunity to prove the pundits and the critics wrong. You work that much harder —

Masked Avenger: I, I was wondering, because you are also next to him, one of my good friends also, the Prime Minister of Quebec, Mr. Richard Z. Sirois [a famous Quebec radio host], have you met him, um, recently? Uh, did he come to one of your rallies?

Palin: Uh, I haven’t seen him at one of the rallies, but it’s been great working with the Canadian officials in my role as governor. We have a great cooperative, uh, effort there, as we work on all of our resource development projects. You know I look forward to working with you and getting to meet you personally, and your beautiful wife. Oh my goodness! You added a lot of energy to your country, then, with um, with that beautiful family of yours.

Masked Avenger: Thank you very much. You know my wife Carla would love to meet you. Uh, you know, even though she was a bit jealous that I was supposed to speak to you today [Masked Avenger laughs].

Palin: [Laughs] Well give her a big hug for me.

Masked Avenger: You know my wife is a popular singer and a former hot top model. And she’s so hot in bed. She even wrote a song for you.

Palin: Oh my goodness! I didn’t know that.

Masked Avenger: Yes, in French it’s called “Du rouge à lèvres sur une cochonne” [Translation: Lipstick for a sow literally (but not properly) but it actually means an uninhibited girl] , or if you prefer in English, “Joe the Plumber.” [Masked Avenger singing] It’s his life, Joe the Plumber…

Palin: Maybe she understands some of the unfair criticism, but I betcha she is such a hard worker too, and she realizes you just plow through that criticism…

Masked Avenger: I, I just want to be sure, I don’t quite understand the, the phenomenon, Joe the Plumber. That’s, that’s not your husband, right?

Palin: That’s not my husband, but he’s a normal American who just works hard and doesn’t want government to take his money.

Masked Avenger: Yes, yes I understand. We have, uh, the equivalent of their Joe the Plumber in France. It’s called “Marcel the Guy with Bread Under His Armpit”. Oui.

Palin: Right. That’s what it’s all about. It’s the middle class and government needing to work for them. You’re a very good example for us here.

Masked Avenger: Uh, I seen a bit, uh, about NBC, even Fox News, wasn’t an elly, an ally, sorry, about as much as usual.

Palin: Yeah, that’s what we’re up against.

Masked Avenger: I must say Governor Palin, I love the documentary they made on your life. You know uh, Hustler’s Nailin’ Palin?

Palin: Oh, good. Thank you. Yes.

Masked Avenger: That was really edgy.

Palin: [Laughs] Well, good.

Masked Avenger: I really loved you. And I, I must say something also, Governor. Uh, you’ve been pranked — by the Masked Avengers. We are two comedians from Montreal.

Palin: Ooohh. Have we been pranked? And, what radio station is this?

Masked Avenger: This is for CKOI in Montreal.

Palin: In Montreal? Tell me the radio station call letters.

Masked Avenger: CK… Hello? If one voice can change the world for Obama, then one Viagra can change the race for Mccain.

Palin Aide: Hi. Im sorry, uh… I’m sorry, I have to let you go. Thank you