Barney Frank lays the smack down on an alien and weighs in on the contentious issue of whether tables are sentient beings.

President Obama presided over a town hall-style meeting this week to discuss his plans for American health care. Much to the disappointment of the American fly population, Obama’s stance on insect health care has not changed, and can be loosely interpreted as “if you fly near my head, I’m gonna f*#k you up”

Last week, Obama demonstrated that his message of hope does not apply to winged insects, as he “mister miyagi’d” a fly that had been interupting his interview with CNBC. The world marvelled at Obama’s fly mashing prowess, and yet again a record number of people began caring a great deal about something entirely irrelevant.

Several flies attempted to disrupt the town hall meeting by buzzing the President as he spoke. The President continued unphased, stating that “no fly, Democrat or Republican, shall escape my wrath” and the only “change that flies can believe in” is death in a variety of formats, incrementally more gruesome as time wears on.

“The President very much enjoys torturing flies” Press Secretary Bob Gibb explained after the town hall meeting “His long standing hatred of them was documented in the rough draft of “Dreams From My Father” but edited out to lower the page count.