Washington, D.C. — Chat Roulette, the online video chat service that allows users to randomly connect to strangers with the click of a button, was the sight for Monday’s historic meeting between current Vice President Joe Biden, and former Vice President Dick Cheney.

The impromptu meeting took place at 2:43 this afternoon, right in the middle of Mr. Biden’s lunch hour, and just after Mr. Cheney’s early afternoon, physician recommended powernap. While clicking away at his mouse with his right hand, and holding his egg salad sandwich on rye in his left, Mr. Biden happened across a groggy Mr. Cheney, who later claimed that he likes to surf through Chat Roulette just after a nap because “I like seeing people get freaked out by my face. It’s better than coffee.”

When the two first came across one-another in the chat service, Vice President Biden was laughing and shielding his eyes from what is being reported as a man gratifying himself as a Cow Girl Barbie sat atop his penis, simulating a rodeo, of sorts. Recognizing Mr. Biden immediately, Mr. Cheney replied, “Joe, is that you?” To which Mr. Biden replied “Aw, great. I go from one dick to another.”

Vice President Biden then typed “LoL!!1!,” followed by “J/K” in an attempt to disuse any ill-feelings his comment may have caused.

The meeting came to an abrupt end when Mr. Cheney asked Mr. Biden to “Show some boobs or GTFO” – “GTFO” being which is an abbreviation for “Get The F*** Out.” As Mr. Biden moved in closer to read the text, Mr. Cheney broke out in to a squawk-like cackle when Mr. Biden’s face recoiled with disappointment upon reading the message.

“Damn it, Dick,” said Mr. Biden. “Grow the hell up, loser.”

Number 10:  Al Gore

It seems like we see more of Al Gore now than when he was Vice President.  One minute he’s all over NBC’s “Green Week”, and the next he’s traipsing around Copenhagen thinking he’s going to end global warming.  You may not realize this, but he’s actually part of a famewhoring team.  You may remember his wife, Tipper, caused quite a stir in music industry in the late 80’s when her group the Parental Music Resource Center (PMRC) pressured record companies to place those irritating “Parental Advisory” stickers on offensive albums.  So if you think about it, at least Al’s crusade doesn’t encourage your Mom to throw out all of your Wu-Tang CD’s.

One more inconvienient truth: He's not going away.

Number 9:   The “Birthers”

The group with a name that sounds like a trendy Lamaze school sure does love the limelight.  Their sacred quest to find a certified copy of President Obama’s birth certificate goes on – and has gotten this assembly of rabid fanatics a whole lot of attention.  But here’s hoping they change course,  get a little bit “TMZ” on the matter, and start searching for something far more interesting, like compromising photos of Obama and one of Tiger Woods’ mistresses.  It’s probably not out there, but it’s more entertaining than some boring birth certificate.

Number 8 & 7:  Rush Limbaugh & Al Sharpton (tie)

We’re going to tie these two together only because they joined famewhoring forces in October of ’09.  It all started when Rush wanted to buy the St. Louis Rams, so Al quickly penned a letter to the NFL commissioner, vehemently opposing any possibility of Limbaugh owning the team.  The next move was Rush’s, who spoke some allegedly slanderous words about Sharpton.  After that, Al threatened to sue Rush for defamation.  How did it end up?  Who even cares?  All we know is that the two of them enjoyed yet more unnecessary time in the spotlight.

Just when you thought things couldn't get worse for the Rams...

Number 6:  Joe Lieberman

He’s a Democrat who thought about changing his affiliation to Republican, but decided on becoming an Independent Democrat – whatever that is.  Joe’s pioneered many great techniques to keep the focus on himself – from threatening to thwart change with filibusters, to creating the longest sound bites ever by speaking in a low, droning monotone.  Maybe you used to think Connecticut was all about snobbish, wealthy preps, but Joe has taught us that the state’s gold coast can get a little feisty if need be.

Now that we know that: Joe, please go away.

Number 5: Dick Cheney

Who was hoping that Dick Cheney would disappear after Bush left office?  And by “disappear”, we admit we meant something a little sinister.  But alas, the Penguin-esque former Vice President has made a hobby out of publicly bashing the new President.  Part of the prototype in the typical famewhore model is being able to boldly show one’s face, in spite of one’s involvement in an embarrassing scandal or ordeal – and Cheney’s got dozens of those.  Most people wouldn’t even bother to show up at the family Christmas party after shooting their friend in the face.  Hats off to you, Mr. Cheney – you’ve got balls of steel.  But that still doesn’t mean we need to keep seeing you on Fox News every other day.

Because America always could use a bit more Dick, and we know of one Dick who wants to give more Dick, and that's Dick

Number 4:  Silvio Berlusconi

Thought the reality show “Jersey Shore” gave Italians a bad reputation?  Berlusconi makes more  material in a week than the Shore can produce in three seasons.  From allegedly having sex with a minor, to calling President Obama “young, handsome and tanned”, to dry humping a meter maid… he’s always getting in some kind of scandalous scrape.  This Gaffemaster certainly knows how to keep himself in the public eye.  But we’re kind of hoping he’ll stick around for a while – he’s sort of like an Italian version of Don Rickles.

Winner of Tropicana's "Best Tanned Douchebag" Award for 2009

Number 3: Mark Sanford

Mark Sanford takes the famewhore code to a whole new level.  Not only does he never fear his adversaries, but he also won’t let his own scandals die.  This is the only guy in the universe who will voluntarily bring up his indiscretions, even when the public has stopped talking about them.  After refusing to resign because of a sex scandal involving misused state funds, the temporary desertion of a government post, and an icky claim that he’d found his “soul mate” with someone who was not his wife, Mark has made South Carolina work for his reprimand – because resignation would have given him much less face time with his adoring fans and constituents.

Number 2: Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

This guy gets around more than most celebrities shilling their new book or album.  He’s been on 60 Minutes, the NBC Nightly News, Charlie Rose, ABC’s This Week and many more.  Mahmoud should really make the most of these appearances and bring a copy of his latest ebook, “The Great Deception – Andy Samberg was Never Really on a Boat”. What’s next, a DNA test on The Maury Povitch Show?  “Mahmoud, you are producing nuclear weapons.”  Imagine the ratings boost The View will gain when Mahmoud shows up and Whoopi Goldberg tears him a new one.

And another thing...we condemn the infidels who created the new "Melrose Place"

Number 1: Sarah Palin

When it comes to blowhards, Sarah Palin blows.  Hard. It’s too bad her Tina Fey looks don’t seem to accompany some Tina Fey smarts – not to mention she’d really suck on 30 Rock.  Sarah “Barracuda” is the Queen of  famewhoring – which is a feat, considering the woman has never even read a magazine.  Here’s hoping Sarah’s future involves a public stockade and maybe a dunk tank…anything that doesn’t group the words “Palin” and the number “2012” together.

Please pay attention to me...

Famewhores keep things interesting.  It’s like the guy that’s at every party yelling, “Woo-hoo!” and doing way too many keg stands.  He might irritate the crap out of you, but it would get pretty boring if he wasn’t around.  In fact, how much fun would the party be if someone could get all of the people in this list to show up?

You see them everywhere. You spend equal amounts of time scouring the headlines looking for them as you do loathing their appearance in the news. You find yourself thinking more about them than close relatives. We are collectively going off the rails, and it is because of our dysfunctional relationships with certain ex-celebrities, never-were-celebrities and ex-politicians who’s fifteen minutes of fame have lasted an eternity.

People who won’t go away come in two flavors: The people who won’t let go, choosing to remain in the spotlight through any means at their disposal, and the people we won’t let go, because we have entered into a dependent pathological-culture-wide addiction to their various hodge-podge of idiosyncracies.

We need to break the habit, and we can’t consult Dr Phil cause he’s one of ‘em,  To help you to know the enemy, here are the top 10 people that just won’t go away.

Number 10: Dick Cheney

America is safer with me on the talk show circuit...

All of the sudden, the quiet architect of W’s presidency is all about defending the administration’s legacy…and he is chatty as hell… Going anywhere he can find a microphone, talking about how the world is unsafe in Pax Obama. The truth is we aren’t sure, but we kinda just need this guy to just go away for a while. W took the hint, he is off  towel-snapping and guying around with his secret service detail in seclusion on the ranch in Crawford.

Number 9: People Who Were Once On Survivor

Visions of my naked ass will haunt you for the rest of your days...

We just can’t get enough of reality TV, where normal people with limited talent are thrust into humiliating social experiments for our viewing pleasure…it is the modern equivalent of gladiatorial combat and someone’s dignity is guaranteed to be slain weekly.

From the painful mental image of Richard Hatch’s naked ass in the original season to the ongoing stories of his tax problems…the only way to rid ourselves of these celeb survivors is reunite them for Survivor: Hungry Shark Tank.

Number 8: Rick Astley

Just when you think Rick Astley is gone, a seemingly innocent piece of email comes across your desk with a Youtube link. Suddenly, you are watching the music video for “Never Gonna Give You Up”. You have been Rick-rolled.

When your name becomes a verb, you know that you are firmly embedded in the popular culture. Are we ever going to give Rick up?

Number 7: Bill Clinton

I will hang around forever, and each time you hear me speak I will sound more and more like a grumpy old man...

Just when you think that you have escaped talk of  “Whitewatergate” and his “distinguishing characteristic“, out pops Bill Clinton on the national political scene, a little older, a little grumpier but ready to stump for anyone who will give him a podium. His efforts with the Obama campaign probably helped him land his new role as UN Envoy to Haiti. Long story short: he isn’t going away soon.

Number 6: David Hasselhoff

Ex-Knight Rider, Baywatch star and international pop sensation David Hasselhoff remains in our collective subconscious simply because we have never been able to fully digest his brand of cheesy. He has acquired a sort of cult following on the internet because of this culture wide case of celebrity indigestion.

Prediction: Hasselhoff becomes a bona fide star again by taking a page out of William Shatner’s self-deprecating humor playbook. In short, “The Hoff” isn’t going away soon.

Number 5: Paris Hilton

Meets all the criteria of being a talentless celebrity

Non-celebrity celebrity checklist:

Iconic or powerful parents: check
Rehearsed red carpet pose: check
Sex tape: check
No distinguishable talent: check

Number 4: Gene Simmons

Blood-spitting, tongue wagging, demon of a self-promoter...

A key member of the biggest sellout band of all time, it is no wonder that Gene has continued to promote his icky self in any way possible. At least we have been spared the sex tape you say? Not so fast

Number 3: Sarah Palin and her family

Get used to these faces...

A role model for geographically challenged Presidential hopefuls, Sarah Palin burst on to the national political scene tall on spunk and family values, short on in-depth understanding of the issues.

Add a Beverly Hillbilly-esque shopping spree on the GOP dime and a daughter that done got knocked up out of wedlock (so much for family values) and you have the recipe for our perverse fascination.

Number 2: Octomom

Octomom: has her tentacles wrapped around all of us...

We love to beat on seemingly bad moms, and though Octomom may not be an intentionally “bad” mother, there are definitely signs that she does not exercise the best judgement. One sign might be that she added to her existing brood of 6 with another litter of 8 with no means to support them. Also, her mother says that she is a few cards short of a deck. The logical next step for her? Reality TV. She has purportedly been in discussions to launch a reality show in the UK.

Number 1: Joe The Plumber

Joe: kindly remit every minute of fame you have had beyond 15...

Joe the plumber emerged from obscurity as more of a concept than an actual person. Once we actually got to know Joe (aka Samuel Joseph Wurzelbacher), his appeal as the symbolic everyman began to fade. His efforts to remain in the limelight by becoming a short lived war correspondent in Israel for Pajamas Media were ever more tiresome. Now, he has us hooked because we don’t know what he’ll do next. If only he would have just kept unclogging drains, the world would have been spared an unhealthy addiction to Joe’s comings and goings.

What do you think? Please verbally abuse us in the comments and/or pick your number 1 in the poll below.

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