Washington, D.C. – In his weekly radio and internet address, President Obama has weakly warned that if congress fails to pass strong and substantial financial reform America would be priming itself for a repeat of its current financial crisis.

The president’s half-hearted plea for some kind, any kind of reform comes just as debates gear up on the hill in regards to this reform bill that the president hopes to have signed by the end of the year, or, you know, whenever it’s ready, because, as the president stated during his radio address, “just, you know, take your time…but we need it kind of soon.”

A proposal by senate democrats would, for the first time, allow for the regulation of derivatives, assets that can produce steep losses, or huge profits, if the value of their underlying asset sinks – and one of the central financial assets that were said to be the cause of the collapse.  “These derivatives are bad, and I ask congress to move quickly, but not too quickly, to regulate these toxic assets, only if they have the time and are feeling up to it,” said President Obama.

Showing a remarkable amount of spine, on Friday President Obama stated that he would veto any bill that did not regulate derivatives, also adding that he may sign said hypothetical bill in to law anyway as to not cause “too much of a hassle.”

Towards the end of his radio and internet address President Obama’s voice crawled to a low, breathy whisper, occasionally broken by a throat clearing and a temporary spike in volume before eventually petering out in to a mumble: “These regulations need to be enacted as to mmm-mmm-mmm-bah-sim-bah-bah…AHEM…to protect out citze—mmm-bah.”