In a shocking turn of events and in blatant disregard for political legislation, and of the space-time continuum, the Health Insurance industry announced today that they have not only already found ways to work around the laws in the newly passed Health Care reform bill, but they have already discovered loop holes in all Health Care reform bills from the future.

“We’ve seen the future, we know what’s coming,” said Charles Bradley, CEO of UnitedHealth Group, as he stood before his UnitedHealth Group-branded two-seater time machine. “We’ve seen all the different ways this can play out. We’ve got work-arounds for every plan Washington will ever throw at us.”

Bradley went on to describe his ideas for continuing to drop patients with pre-existing conditions, even after the Health care reform bill of 2084 passes with a near unanimous vote and an overwhelming consensus of U.S. citizens, most of which haven’t even been born yet. “Mega-Washington thought it would be cute to tell the Globo-Insur-O-Corp that we can’t drop patients that are born with defects to their cybernetic implants,” said Bradley.

“Oh! Are you guys thinking about how you can work around my work-around?” said Bradley, in a mocking manner. “Go ahead, try to outwit us. We have a freakin’ time machine. We know what you’re going to do before you do it.”

Describing the mechanics of time travel, Professor Elderbrand, who teaches particle physics at MIT said, “When one travels through time, one is actually traveling in to another dimension – an alternate world, so to speak.“ He continued, “So as soon they tell us of a work-around for future legislation, and we try to come up with a work-around for the work-around, a new world is created; the health insurers then travel through time to the newly created alternate world and develop another work-around based off the work-around we created in the present for legislation we can’t even conceive of today.”

Professor Elderbrand closed by saying, “Trying to explain it is really exhausting, but, in short, they’re giving us a pan-dimensional, pan-historical screwing.”