BIZARRO WASHINGTON, DC – Congressman Eric Massa (D-ANY) was treated for minor injuries today after the father of a young female staffer attacked him outside his office, screaming “Does that tickle, motherf***er?”

Witnesses say the scuffle didn’t last long, as Capitol Police descended almost immediately to break up the fight. The unidentified man’s daughter has accused the New York Congressman of sexual harassment and assault.

This incident follows a week of shocking developments in Normal Universe Washington, DC, where Rep. Eric Massa has resigned amid charges of inappropriate conduct with male staffers, and gone on a freewheeling, laughter-inducing media tour. He began by claiming he was resigning due to his health, then copped to an ethics investigation regarding inappropriate comments made to a staffer. As the story unfolded, however, the allegations against Massa grew to include physical harassment. Massa offered a series of increasingly bizarre explanations for his behavior, including his assertion that “tickle-fights” are the standard activity for a 50th birthday.

In an interview with Larry King, Normal Universe Massa also refused to answer whether he was gay, telling King to ask his old Navy comrades. When one reporter did exactly that, it emerged that Massa allegedly tried to sexually assault a sleeping sailor.

Members of the Bizarro Universe media are incredulous at how the Normal Universe media have covered the Massa story, as an endlessly amusing train wreck. One Bizarro Universe network source tells B.U. Apoliticus, “There’s not much difference in these two stories, just that here, the victims were women, yet they treat this like it’s a big joke. Our Glenn Beck wouldn’t even take this scumbag’s phone call.”

“Here you have a guy,” he continued, “who’s accused of abusing his authority in order to sexually bully his subordinates, first in the Navy, then in Congress, a predator, and he tries to laugh it all off. I don’t know what universe you’re living in, but in this universe, Eric Massa is nothing but a f***ing pig.”

Author’s note: This story was filed by Bizarro Universe Tommy Christopher, who has a goatee and walks around dressed like Mr. Spock for some reason. Despite what the new Star Trek would have you believe, it is very important that we not meet.